Lately, I have felt less and less motivated to do anything. In the two weeks since I got laid off, I have not even wanted to look for work and so I have really only half assed any effort I have made. To be quite honest, I feel myself slowly slipping into depression, and I don’t know how to stop myself.

The Hot Boyfriend and I have fought three times in the last week alone, two of which have been bad enough for me to call my best friend, in tears, and beg her to tell me I am not crazy. She always does, because she is MY HERO. I know that the reason we are fighting has nothing to do with either of us doing anything “wrong” to each other, and that the stress is what is really killing us, but it just doesn’t make things any better to sit here and worry that the relationship is going to deconstruct because of some god damn hormones.

I know that is what it is – my hormones. Sometimes he says things that really set me off, and I “change the tone of my voice” and he doesn’t like that. He feel like I am disrespecting him. Of course, he never owns up to the fact that his actions cause me to get upset, only that I am upset “for no reason”. I have tried to explain to him that yes, pregnant girls have issues in being able to deal with their emotions rationally, but he “doesn’t buy that” and feels it is just a cop out. I guess the fact that he has never carried a fetus in his uterus in his life makes him an expert or something, but he is just not compassionate, nor willing to admit his part in it.

I didn’t want this post to be a rant, and I don’t want to come across like I am just bitching about nothing, but this has seriously affected me. We fight, and I lose my appetite and feel like laying in bed all day. I lose all motivation to do anything, and so I just don’t do anything, instead I lay in bed crying until I fall asleep. This is the part of pregnancy that I hate, the fact that I can no longer control my emotions and feelings, and they are amplified to a degree that I know and feel are not acceptable. And the fact that I cannot seem to make him understand that.

I don’t want to lose him or this relationship, but I don’t know how to fix this. We got pregnant before we got a chance to really know one another, and he doesn’t know if this is the real me or not, and he is freaking out as well. I know all this, and I can logically understand this, but I just feel like I deserve a little bit more room on this one, and I don’t know how to explain that to him.

Fuck Hormones,

K