Half Baked and Half Naked

Archive for January 2008

Lately, I have felt less and less motivated to do anything. In the two weeks since I got laid off, I have not even wanted to look for work and so I have really only half assed any effort I have made. To be quite honest, I feel myself slowly slipping into depression, and I don’t know how to stop myself.

The Hot Boyfriend and I have fought three times in the last week alone, two of which have been bad enough for me to call my best friend, in tears, and beg her to tell me I am not crazy. She always does, because she is MY HERO. I know that the reason we are fighting has nothing to do with either of us doing anything “wrong” to each other, and that the stress is what is really killing us, but it just doesn’t make things any better to sit here and worry that the relationship is going to deconstruct because of some god damn hormones.

I know that is what it is – my hormones. Sometimes he says things that really set me off, and I “change the tone of my voice” and he doesn’t like that. He feel like I am disrespecting him. Of course, he never owns up to the fact that his actions cause me to get upset, only that I am upset “for no reason”. I have tried to explain to him that yes, pregnant girls have issues in being able to deal with their emotions rationally, but he “doesn’t buy that” and feels it is just a cop out. I guess the fact that he has never carried a fetus in his uterus in his life makes him an expert or something, but he is just not compassionate, nor willing to admit his part in it.

I didn’t want this post to be a rant, and I don’t want to come across like I am just bitching about nothing, but this has seriously affected me. We fight, and I lose my appetite and feel like laying in bed all day. I lose all motivation to do anything, and so I just don’t do anything, instead I lay in bed crying until I fall asleep. This is the part of pregnancy that I hate, the fact that I can no longer control my emotions and feelings, and they are amplified to a degree that I know and feel are not acceptable. And the fact that I cannot seem to make him understand that.

I don’t want to lose him or this relationship, but I don’t know how to fix this. We got pregnant before we got a chance to really know one another, and he doesn’t know if this is the real me or not, and he is freaking out as well. I know all this, and I can logically understand this, but I just feel like I deserve a little bit more room on this one, and I don’t know how to explain that to him.

Fuck Hormones,

K

So the last week has been rather . . . interesting. Yes, that’s it, interesting.

I got laid off from my job one week ago today, and have since been polishing up the resume, and pimping it out to whatever job site I come across trying to make sure that it is searchable and available for all employers to see. It just doesn’t seem like there are too many jobs available right now, unless I want to drive into the fucking heart of LA and deal with shitty traffic every day. Not for me.

I will figure something out. I always do.

Monday I went to my first OB appointment and got the official due date of August 16. Yay, to be pregnant during the hottest part of the summer! I got an ultrasound picture of the little peanut, and as soon as the Hot Boyfriend gets a chance to scan it in like he said he would, I will post it up here.

Nothing too exciting has really gone on this week other than paying bills and looking for a job. Pretty sad eh? I promise to try and do more interesting things with my time, so I can entertain those of you who actually read this blog – starting tomorrow, I promise.

Until tomorrow,

K

So yeah, yesterday I got laid off. Dammit.

Ok, really the only thing I am upset about is the fact that I have to worry about my health insurance. I will work it out though.

In other news, Britney done went crazy! In all honesty, I figured the girl wasn’t just a druggie with issues, I always kind of thought she had some mental instability, and with a mother like that how could she not. She is being held on a mandatory 72 hour hold (aka 5150) at Cedars Sanai. I hope the poor girl finally gets the help she really needs.

I will post more later, I need to job hunt,

K

This last weekend was one of the best weekends I have had in a VERY long time.  After letting my hormones get the best of me and succumbing to the temptation of being an emotional bag of shit most of the day on Friday, my mind was eased by my Hot Boyfriend, when I went over to his house for the evening, and we pretty much just relaxed in his back yard by the fire pit. The night concluded with him making me feel so happy and in love, I nearly cried during sexy time . . . 

Saturday I lounged around the house for most of the day with Kamy, until it was time to get ready for the Social Distortion concert. I took her to my Aunts house and made my way over to pick up Hot Boyfriend, and then down to Whittier for my Hot Best Friend and her Luvah. We got to Hollywood about a half hour before the show, and thanks to some really smart parking ideas, walked up a steep hill for nearly a mile before we actually got to the venue.  Got inside, ordered WATER for me, and drinks for everyone else (gotta love being pregnant), and then made our way to the floor to get a good spot for the show. 

The show was awesome; I will post a better review of it tomorrow, with pictures (however shitty they may be, since I had to use the cell phone camera). Let’s just put it this way, I am already looking to buy tickets to another show at the end of this month, because I don’t think I will ever get enough.

Sunday was another lazy day, and Monday was nearly the same; but Hot Boyfriend and I made our way to one of his friends’ houses for a New Years party. I was the only sober person at the party, which in any other situation, would make me feel slightly uncomfortable, but not that night. I rather liked being able to watch EVERYONE else in the house get completely fucking wasted and make assholes out of them selves.  However, all the drunken people were really entertaining playing “Rock Band”. 

Yesterday was yet another day of doing absofuckinglutely nothing, and I loved it. Kamy spent the entire first day of 2008 in her pajamas, as did I, and I don’t care. I enjoyed myself, and that’s all that matters to me. Tonight is dinner with Hot Boyfriends family, and then a whole lot more of nothing. Yay!

 

Enjoying my lazy time, 

K