Half Baked and Half Naked

Archive for the ‘Funny!’ Category

Ok, so I should start by saying that I am a bad person for not updating since the last post. I had my follow up appointment the Tuesday after the ultrasound, and after waiting in the exam room for approximately 45 minutes, the doctor came in and didn’t even remember she had me go for the ultrasound. I had to ask what the results were, and she had to go search them out in order to give them to me. The results showed that the baby weighed around 6 pounds, give or take a pound, which is small, but not TOO small. She said that everything seemed normal, and I should not have worried.

I should not have worried? Yeah ok, tell a woman who is 36 weeks into her pregnancy something could be wrong and then expect her not to worry? Yeah, I want whatever drugs she is on, because apparently they made her delusional.

Anyways, I went back again this past Tuesday for another routine check, and found out that I was dilated to 1, and if I made it to the appointment next Monday, she would go ahead and induce me next week, probably Tuesday. Yes, she totally redeemed herself from the previous week, because anything I can do to have this baby out of me sooner makes me happy. In order to hasten the pace of this, I have been walking everywhere, and entertaining thoughts of drinking castor oil (not really, blehhhh). Yeah, needless to say, I am READY to meet this little girl.

In other news, I cut all of Kamy’s hair off. I have never cut it in her entire six years of life, and she had been bugging me to get it cut for about two months now, so I went ahead and did it. I saved a lock of her hair, since the hair at the bottom was the hair she had on her head as a baby, and I chopped it all off. She now has a chin length bob, and looks absofuckinglutely adorable! She also has a loose tooth on the bottom row, which should probably fall out within the next few days. Oh my god, my baby is growing up, and here I am starting over with another baby. All of this makes me think I am fucking insane, which for the most part is true, but man – what was I thinking?

So, yeah, I will try to post another update next week before I have the baby, and then obviously, post pictures of the new addition as soon as I have the energy.

Here though, in the tradition of posting something from YouTube (which I haven’t done in a long time), is a little something I FINALLY got to see, called “Charlie the Unicorn”. This shit is HILARIOUS!

Shun the non-believer, Shun, SHUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!

Hahaha, I love it,

K

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So, last week during all the chaos, I checked my email account, and much to my surprise, I got my first HATEMAIL responses! Actually, they were left as comments, but since I have to approve my comments, I had the chance to read them before I let them be posted. To be quite honest, I feel absolutely validated for all of my efforts in the blogosphere now – because I am a true masochist to the heart.

The responses came to a post I wrote WAY back in November, called Good Enough. In the post, I was basically admitting my ever growing love for Amy Lee and her band, Evanescence. Yes, I did say she was emo, and probably needed some anti-depressants, but really, who in their right mind doesn’t think that?

Well, apparently there is one moron out there who took my post as some sort of lesbian-stalker style post, and got offended at the fact that I STATED THE TRUTH. How dare I do that on my own personal blog? Oh, the audacity of me to write my own opinion, which is shared by pretty much every other SANE person I have met. I figured all you faithful, intelligent, and non retarded readers might be amused by these comments, so I am going to be nice and post what she left me. I have faith that you all are like I am, and you are going to laugh your asses off at just how offended she got regarding the post.

“hey, who ever calls her a poor depressed woman is  wrong,have any of you guys watch any where but home??? well she not depressed her music is away of expressing her fealings and it’s really good music. so fuck you Amy lee rocks”

Let us not get started on the fact that this girl clearly cannot spell, or use proper grammatical practices – she must have been in the midst of a really crazy breakdown at the fact that I wrote the post. But, after reading this first one, I was surprised by the fact that she felt it was necessary to throw this one in for good measure:

“she not lesbaid shes married you have an obsession with her, i bet if she ever met you she would be really freaked out!!”

My only question regarding  this one: What is a LESBAID? I resisted the temptation to write back to this girl, and set her straight on the fact that she is clearly a moron, but I am printing these two comments out, and hanging them on my wall of fame, along with the letters of denial I got from Notre Dame University back in high school, and the picture of my first “real” boyfriend in high school – Pete (he dumped my because I wouldn’t let him put his hands down my pants).

Oh yeah, if anyone wants her email address, I have it, so just write me, and I will be happy to share it with you!

I really do feel validated,

K

Lately I have been having a very difficult time sleeping. Each night I get less and less sleep than I did the night before, which poses a problem for me because I love my sleep, and the less I get the bitchier I am. However, what little sleep I have gotten lately has been producing some really, really amazing sex dreams.

Maybe really, really amazing is an understatement. These dreams have me waking up in the middle of a full blown orgasm, much to my own delight. The books are right on when they say that orgasms during pregnancy are even better than they are normally, because these leave me shuddering with utter delight.

Last night, during the short period of time I actually did get some sleep, I had one of the most interesting dreams yet. Somehow, my best friend and I wound up in a very posh hotel room with the one and only Jenna Jameson, and we all decided to get naked. A very lesbian threesome commenced; there were various toys used, and a variety of combinations in which we used them on one another. The culmination of all this had me waking up panting hard, and nearly moaning out with pleasure.

I would also like to add, that Lush looks pretty damn good naked if I must say, which may have been the biggest turn on. I really don’t remember any exciting part of the dream until the part I remember that involved her getting naked. From that point on, it was all about us three ladies doing things I have really only ever seen in pornos.

For the most part, pregnancy is not something I have really enjoyed this time around, or the last time in all reality. However, I do remember that I never had dreams like this with my first pregnancy, but if this is really going to continue, then I will definitely welcome any more of these naughty dreams that come my way gladly.

Excited to try and sleep again,

K

A daily topic of conversation around the KrazyBitch household, is that KrazyBitch Britney, and any of her daily antics, which are all clearly caught on tape here, here, and here. And there is ALWAYS something good to talk about.(Note, I check TMZ at least 3 times a day for updates, so I know when the bitch has done something nutty again.)

Well, it looks like Britneys little sister Jamie Lynn has gone and trumped Britney for the “Most Louisiana White Trash” spot in the records books. 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears, star of Nickelodeons “Zoey 101” has admitted she is pregnant, by her boyfriend. That one guy who isn’t famous, that she met at church. Ok, now, if your sister was a fucking insane as Britney, and caught on video doing everything, and you decided to hump your boyfriend, wouldn’t you use birth control? Don’t they have health insurance in the Spears family? What the eff?

This is fucking hilarious,

K

Lush: I’m a sick broad with ear wax fetishes. Don’t act like you haven’t played along. You remember those nights in the meat cooler at Staters.

K: Yes, I remember quite well. You used to like it when I would spank the top sirloins before I would play with your naughty spot.

Lush: Even hearing top sirloin still makes me shudder with anticipation.

90210 Season 3

Today is DVD and CD release day, and while trolling around on the internet for Britney’s latest mis-adventures, and and other really good smut, I stumbled upon this ad for the third season of 90210 on dvd. Before Laguna Beach, and The Hills, this was the teen drama. What else could possibly make my Christmas any more complete? Back in the 5th grade when this show came out, I had no idea that I would end up falling deeply in love with Luke Perry, aka Dylan Walsh – the Bad Boy. They even gave his part of the opening credits a music change for a more dramatic effect. Oooh baby, now I can masturbate to his face whenever I want?! Oh the joy!

I happen to know one REALLY good looking drummer for this rock band, we will call him Jizz, and he is just as in love with the 90210 as anyone I have ever met. He actually was proud to admit that he owned the first two seasons already, and what man do you know who will actually admit it? And no, he is not gay, he is very straight, and very much in a relationship.

Now I cant get the theme song out of my head dammit,

K

In all attempts to maintain some sort of normalcy in life, I downloaded the application to Big Brother 9. It is my life long dream to be on that show and I figured; What better way to make myself seem normal than to go on a reality TV show? I mean, shit, who hasn’t nowadays?

What’s that you say, I am a what? A Shithead? Well duh!

I absolutely have been in love with the voyeuristic show for the past 8 seasons, and actually had a friend on it a few years back, Kaysar Ridha. He and I graduated high school together, and I was totally shocked to see how good looking the skinny Iraqi kid had become. He lokeded FINE! Damn Gina! He should have won that season, but his trust in women was his downfall. I learned from his mistakes . . .

Anyways, so yes, I downloaded it, all 14 pages. I began to fill it out, and all the normal questions were there “Age, Address, Occupation, etc.” It asked everything from who my “Hero” is and why, to when I started my first period and the duration of it. I was then required to submit a DNA swab, and two strands of hair. Then, it asked for a full mental health evaluation, and medical documentation of it.

That is where I might have some issues, seeing as I’m a fucking lunatic!

No, really though, I did do it. I really do like the show, and it is a great chance to meet some people more crazy than me, as well as have a shot at a million dollars. Why the fuck not? The worst thing that can happen is I hear nothing from them, right?

We will see what happens. I have to include two photos of myself, a close up and a full body shot (clothed unfortunately, that would have TOTALLY sold them on me for a contestant), as well as a 2 minute video of me. That is going to be SO much fun to make, I think I might enlist the assistance of my bestest friend Lush, that way I can be sarcastic, and she will tell me if I am being a fucktard.

Anyways, I gotta get home to make my video now. I will leave you with a clip from the BB All-Stars show, starring Kaysar! And ladies, yes, Kaysar is HOTT!

 

 

 

I wanna be a reality show STAR,

K