Half Baked and Half Naked

Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

Tomorrow it will all be over. With any hope, 24 hours from now, I will be holding my little baby girl in my arms.  Monday when I went to my doctor appointment, I was told that I had not dilated an further than previously, and that induction would be on the schedule for as soon as fucking possible ( I added the “fucking” because I have been waiting FOREVER). Yay! By the time I left the office I had orders to be at the hospital Tuesday morning at 8am.

Not fifteen minutes later, as I am literally walking in the door to my house, the phone is ringing. It is the doctors office, calling to let me know that the hospital doesn’t have a bed for me Tuesday, but that Thursday for sure at 7am they would. DAMMIT! Two extra days of waiting –  don’t they understand how TIRED OF BEING PREGNANT I am over here? I am pushing maximum capacity – I cannot grow any larger, and I am so fucking sick of having heartburn. I just want this baby out.

So here I am, the night before I go in to the hospital, practically giving myself an anxiety attack from knowing I have to wait until tomorrow morning. I have the bag packed, the infant seat installed in the car, the crib set up, the clothes washed. I am 100% ready, all I need is the baby.

The minutes pare passing like hours.

I took Kamy out today for a special trip to the mall, to pick out some special gifts of her choice for her, and to lunch that she got to pick. Amazing enough, she didn’t pick McDonalds or some other fast food place that I cannot stomach (yet another side effect of this pregnancy, and let me tell you, I MISS FRENCH FRIES! They make me ill so I haven’t eaten them in months). She chose for us to eat lunch at the Elephant Bar much to my delight.  I had me some cashew chicken and cheesy garlic bread, and boy was it fucking great. The heartburn I am getting from the lunch was well worth it.

So yeah, here I am waiting again, but with so much less time to wait. I have it on order for my best friend to have a tall, cold bottle of Mountain Dew ready for me after I push the baby out – it was worse giving that up than giving up cigarettes. I am not joking.

I will post pictures of the baby as soon as I feel like I can think again after she is born. Yay for me, its nearly over!

Nearly there,

K

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So, with the countdown being SO on my side at this point – we are talking mere DAYS here people, the baby is due to be here in, like, 23 days or something and my anxiety has reached its all time high point. Posting has been non-existent for a few weeks, clearly, but only because the fatigue and all around feeling of SLOTH have pretty much taken over me. I dont use the word SLOTH lightly either, I feel absolutely useless most of the day.

When I was this pregnant with Kamy, I would literally sleep until noon everyday, and usually have a late afternoon nap. This cannot be done, with the simple fact that I have her gorgeous six year old behind to look after on the daily. Not to mention that this week, my poor sister in law had to go back to work for the last month of her stores duration (Linens and Things is closing all its California stores, and she has to go back in order to get her severance), so I have the wonderful pleasure of babysitting my ever so adorable three month old niece Audrey. This is way too fun for me, because I love that little girl so effing much it makes my heart have palpitations.

Two weeks ago this Saturday my cousin Heather threw me a baby shower, attended by all my family, and best friends. It was too much fun. Hot Boyfriend attended as well, and was even cool enough to let a bunch of women use him as the Baby in the “Toilet Paper Baby” game. His team did a damn good job too – they actually won the game. I was lucky enough to receive everything that I needed for this baby from everyone, and I even managed to have all the thank you notes filled out to be mailed tomorrow or Saturday. Two weeks is good timing for me, because I HATE writing thank you notes, I know they are important, but I hate doing them. But I did, and I am done, thankfully.

The doctor visits have shifted from monthly, to bi-monthly, to weekly now. The last three weeks I have gotten to go sit in the over crowded waiting room to be seen  for a total of three minutes by one of the doctors at the OB office I go to. All has gone accordingly until Tuesday of this week, when the doctor decided to tell me that she is worried the baby might be too small. She gave me orders for another ultrasound, this time at the hospital where I will deliver, so that they can rule out IUGR.  This has naturally made me a fucking headcase, because everything I have read about IUGR leads me to realize that it can be very bad for my baby.

I really dont know what else to write now. To be quite honest I am a blubbering idiot now that I got thinking about all this crap again. I think I need to chill out.

Keeping my fingers crossed,

K

So, today I had an appointment in a local office, and was not the least bit surprised to find that I was the only white person in the office – and needless to say I was the only English speaker. What disgusted me about this was the thirty children who were also brought along by their mothers, and left unattended to run around like wild animals. I guess what upsets me more is the fact that about 95% of these children had silver teeth, snotty noses, and dirty faces.

“How does a small child end up with silver teeth” I thought to myself, but then the answer was shown to me. One of the children, probably at least three years old, fell down and began to cry. His mother ran over to him, picked him up, and proceeded to stick a bottle of juice in his mouth to stop him from crying. HELLO! Do these parents ever consider the fact that children over the age of 12-18 months are not supposed to be sucking on bottles? Juice in a bottle can rot a childs teeth, and apparently, this is not a concern for these mothers. You see, the wonderful state of California will pay for them to have silver caps put on their teeth, at no cost to the parent.

Must be nice, to have the luxury of knowing that you can sit back and loaf off of the system and allow your children to run around filthy, and ill, and never have to answer to anyone. All at the expense of Jane and John Taxpayer. I am one of the people who had to jump through hoops when Kamy was a baby, in order to utilize certain programs offered by the state, all while I was working and paying taxes myself. I guess I have an issue with people who get to use every possible resource, and not do anything but have additional children in order to continue to qualify for these programs. But in reality, if these programs are offered to make sure families are healthy, then why the hell are people who are clearly not trying to keep their kids healthy allowed to use these resources still? Tooth decay is not healthy. Snotty noses are not healthy. Why cant these issues be reason enough to disqualify parents from these programs?

Oh thats right, because it would make sense, and be too easy to cut off all those lazy fucks who choose to use resources I work hard to pay for.

Fuck this,

K

You want to know what sucks the most about being pregnant? Not being able to take anything for the nasty cold you wake up to on a random Saturday morning. Kamy had been sounding like she had a frog in her throat since Thursday, and was quite sniffly, but when I woke up Saturday morning, I knew that she had passed whatever she had to me. What made it worse was the fact that I spent most of Friday and Saturday in tears, which made the snot never ending.

Kamy was able to take some cough and cold medicine, which totally makes her feel better, if not for the nasty taste. Me on the other hand, I have to suffer through the duration of this cold, because of the rule that says I can’t take anything since it might harm the baby. I am totally used to being able to knock out any sever symptoms with some sort of cold or sinus medication that usually makes this KrazyBitch a nice person if she is sick, but not this time. My question is why cant I even take pediatric cold medicine? If it is made for kids, then it can’t be that bad for the unborn, right?

Not so much.

I called my doctor on Monday morning to find out if there was anything I could take, even of the pediatric kind, and was promptly told “NO!” So much for that bright idea. This really sucks because I am all about my sleep, and I haven’t been able to get a full nights rest since Friday night, when I first felt the sore throat coming on. I can’t breathe through my nose, and it seems like every time I finally get comfortable enough to fall asleep, I start coughing.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited to be having another child, but I have to say; who ever lied and said pregnancy was a fun and wonderful experience, must not have ever been pregnant. I remember being nine months pregnant with Kamy, and coming down with the flu so bad I could not hold water down. Anything I ate or drank promptly came right back out, either via my mouth, or my ass – all in liquid form. I distinctly remember calling my mother crying for her to come help me. Of course, although she did, it really didn’t make that much of a difference, I still never felt any better. I was told that I could take Pepto Bismol though, but that ended up coming back up as well, until about the 3rd or 4th dose.

Illness sucks in general, but this time it seems like it is hitting me even harder, and I am a big fucking baby when I feel like shit. It doesn’t help that my daughter is sick too, and I don’t feel like I can help her get better while I still feel like utter shit. UGH.

I need to go blow my nose,

K

Monday afternoon I went to my monthly doctors appointment to find out how the fetus is growing. After waiting for nearly a half an hour to get called in, I had some blood drawn for the AFP test. I was placed in the exam room, where I waited for another 45 minutes before my doctor finally came in. What cracks me up, is that I spent more time waiting in that damn room than I spent with the doctor.

She laid me back and used that little walkman thingy to listen for the heartbeat of the baby, which was not easy for her to find. I couldn’t hear it at all, but she heard it, and informed me that I have a VERY active baby, that likes to move around a lot. Each day I have been feeling little movements, so I had already kind of figured that out. She wiped the goo off my belly (which is beginning to look pregnant, but I am too self-conscious to post any pictures, sorry), and told me that I get to have my ultrasound in four more weeks.

Four more weeks until I find out if I am having a boy or a girl. I want a boy so badly, and I know of a few different people that are in agreement with me on this one. This is the hardest part for me – the waiting. Of course, I have waited this long, but now that it is so close, I just want the day to come that I can find out, and start baby shopping. I’m not even thinking about the waiting for the kid to be born, because that I can handle, I just want to know what I am having.

Waiting, it is like watching paint dry – it takes forever,

K

First let me start by saying that I am sorry to have not written in a while. To be quite honest, I have been battling my hormones/emotions for the last month or so, and I think I might have a better grip now than I have in a while. Oh, and I took off the Heath Ledger post because I got really tired of looking at that picture of him.

Quick highlight, I got the most hits I have ever gotten yesterday, so thanks to those of you who are still reading me, or have Googled “Amy Lee” and clicked on my page. You made me want to write again, so here I am.

Lately, other than job hunting and being a vessel for my Hot Boyfriends love child, I have been trying to spend as much time with Kamy as I can. I am afraid she is going to feel slighted or something once the baby comes, and I want her to know how special she is to me, so I have been making every effort. I took her out of her after school program, not only because I could not afford to let them ass rape me for the tuition any more, but because I felt that I owed it to my daughter to spend my free time with her. She has been learning how to ride her bike, and napping in my bed with me during the days. We have baked, and run through the sprinklers, and just been together.

It was no joke however, when I mentioned before that I felt myself slipping into a depression. I have gone back and forth more than once with the disease, and it tends to get me by the balls so much easier every time. The sad thing is that I am a smart enough person that I can see and sense my world falling apart around me every time, and the more I try to mentally tell myself I can fix it on my own, the harder it is to come out of the fog.

I thought I had been doing so well. I was truly coming to terms with the unplanned pregnancy that the Hot Boyfriend and I recently found out about, and then I lost my job. That sucked ass pretty badly in itself, not to add the stress of a second baby on the way, and a slow as fuck economy that apparently has no need for people in my profession. At least not a need for someone as over qualified and high paid as I was. I have literally applied for nearly 100 different positions, and have yet to get a single call back. What the fuck is up with my karma?

I guess it just seems like everything that could possibly happen to make matters worse has been happening, and I feel absolutely helpless about it. I feel like I have no control over my life right now, and I hate that so badly. I don’t like to burden others with my problems, because I hate being the person who cries to others, I would much rather be the person to listen when others cry. It just seems like my world is slowly closing in around me, and I am helpless against it.

I hate this feeling.

I know that the only way to make anything better is to be honest to those people who it also affects, but that is the hardest part – admitting defeat once again. I will work though, to keep showing my daughter how important she is to me, and work to find another job before I am too pregnant to hide the belly and land a good job. I guess I just need a bit of support, and understanding, and love. I don’t know, I’m sure this is not more than anyone in my position would ask, but I feel wrong asking for it, even from the people who are most important to me, that would be ever so willing to give me the support I need.

Hopeful, I think,

K

It is funny how as soon as you decide you want to change something about your life, another something that totally affects the outcome of said change happens. Like when you decide you want to learn how to snowboard, and right before you leave for Tahoe, you break your leg. Or when you decide to get your body back into shape, and then you find out you are pregnant.

Thats’s right, this KrazyBitch is going to have a baby with her Hot Boyfriend. It is very unexpected, but at the same time, very welcomed. I cant lie, I have had the itch for a while, so when I found out I was going to be an aunt, I thought “Hell yeah, I can play with this one (niece/nephew), and then give it back, what could be better?”

But then last week, I found out what was better when I did the good old “pee on a stick” routine. In all honesty, I have wanted Kamy to be a big sister for as long as I have had her, and really thought that it wouldn’t happen for a long time, if ever. Now, I am actually quite thankful that I get to give Kamy this gift, and have the opportunity to raise another child, and with someone so amazing. He is just as happy as I am if not more; he actually called his mother within minutes of getting the test results. I feel lucky.

So, yes, I did have fun this weekend in Vegas, but very sober fun. I quit smoking right away, and even though the urge to pound a beer when I get home tonight is very strong, I will not be doing so. I already informed my boss, who is also very happy for me; stating “I love babies, this is going to be great!”

timmeh-and-kristine.jpg

Damn, we are going to have one gorgeous baby! And he or she is going to have a really cool Auntie Lush!

I am so lucky,

K